Episode 75

MIKE was supposed to meet with his frat brothers GREGG and XAVIER. Instead, he has chosen to sit and talk with MONA in the lobby of the dorm.

MONA - Mike, do you still have some time?

MIKE - Depends.

(MIKE smiles.)

MONA - I'm starvin'.

MIKE - Then I got time.

(MONA smiles back.)

MIKE - You wanna go to the...

(silence)

(MIKE is staring at someone who just walked into the dorm. MONA turns around to see who MIKE is looking at.)

MONA - What? Who are you looking at?

MIKE - That dude?

(MIKE starts to get up.)

MIKE - ...that dude right there!

MONA - Who? What about him?

MIKE - That dude is a new Sigma from Amgis College! My prophytes Xavier and Gregg told me that he was on line pledging Kappa here at Ahpla!

MONA - What?

MIKE - Yeah, I know that's him!

MONA - Which one? There's two of them and they both have on Sigma gear.

MIKE - Him! On the left.

(MIKE grabs his cane out of his back pocket.)

MONA - Wait, Mike, what are you gonna do?

(MONA tries to grab MIKE's arm to prevent him from approaching AHMAD.)

MIKE - We were supposed to handle this at Amgis but we couldn't. So, I can handle this right now.

MONA - Handle it? Mike you're gonna start a fight! Please don't do that.

MIKE - Why not? He disrespected my frat and my prophytes! He wasn't man enough to finish the pledge process, but then gonna go pledge something else? Something easier?

MONA - Yeah, but there's two of them.

MIKE - I can handle myself.

(MIKE pulls his arm away and approaches AHMAD who is standing at the reception desk with SETH.)

MONA thinks - Oh my God!

(MONA pulls out her cell phone and dials.)

MIKE - What's up, Greek? Welcome to our campus.

(MIKE smiles as AHMAD and SETH turn around.)

SETH - Thanks. I'm Seth and this is my sands Ahmad.

MIKE - I'm Mike.

(MIKE shakes hand with SETH. When he shakes AHMAD's hand, he doesn't let go.)

MIKE - Wait a minute, you look mad familiar.

AHMAD - Have we met before? I don't think so.

MIKE - We had to have. I don't forget faces. What school are you brothers from?

SETH - Amgis.

(MIKE lets AHMAD's hand go and rubs his chin.)

MIKE - Amgis, huh? Hmmm, I don't think I know you from there, I never really hang out at Amgis.

AHMAD - Maybe I just have a familiar face.

(AHMAD and SETH laugh.)

MIKE - No, I'm tellin' you that I've seen you bef... hey wait. I think I remember!

AHMAD - Oh yeah?

(MIKE takes a step back and tightens his grip on his cane.)

MIKE - I saw you on my chapter's list of suspect, no-heart-dudes-who-dropped-line!

AHMAD - What!

MONA - Hey girl, you are not gonna believe what I'm watching!
:: NEW PAGE ::

SCENE 2

The ladies of Zeta Phi Beta Sorority are conducting their interest meeting. Surprisingly, SHARONDA's cousin MIYA FERGUSON (MONA's little sister) is in attendance.

(MIYA starts to sit down as SHARONDA starts to walk back toward the front.)

MIYA - Rhonda.

(SHARONDA turns back around.)

MIYA - You're sure my sister won't find out that I'm here? If my mother found out she'd kill me.

(SHARONDA smiles.)

SHARONDA - Don't worry about Mona. I'll handle her. It's your mother I'm more worried about.

MIYA - Okay. You know I'm mad nervous.

SHARONDA - This is what you want to do right?

MIYA - I mean, yeah. For sure.

SHARONDA - Okay don't worry about it then. I'll make it happen. You just do what I asked you to do.

MIYA - Okay.

(MIYA sits down and SHARONDA walks back to the front. She takes her seat beside DENICE.)

DENICE whispers - Now, tell me how in the world your cousin Miya is gonna pledge when she's still in high school.

SHARONDA whispers - She already has 24 college credits. By the time she gets on campus in the fall, she'll have one semester and she'll be classified as a sophomore.

DENICE whispers - Really? I didn't know they can do that.

SHARONDA whispers - Something at the school she goes to and a partnership with Ahpla.

(SHARONDA claps as TONYA finishes her speech on the history of Zeta Phi Beta.)

SHARONDA whispers - And, of course, her being a Ferguson doesn't hurt. You know her mother pulled some strings for her as well.

(DENICE giggles as TONYA sits down and SALEEMA steps to the podium.)

SALEEMA - Thank you Soror Tonya for those words on our history. Next we're going to have Soror Denice give you the requirements for eligibility for our chapter here at Ahpla University.

(SALEEMA scans the audience.)

SALEEMA - Um... y'all might wanna right these things down.

(Everyone starts to pull out pens and paper.)

SALEEMA thinks - Sheesh! I would think that that was obvious.

(DENICE passes SALEEMA and begins to speak.)

DENICE - The requirements for inclusion into our intake process are as follows. First of all...

(As MIYA is writing, the girl sitting next to her leans toward her.)

AISHA whispers - Excuse me, do you have a pen?

(MIYA stares at AISHA in silence for a second.)

MIYA whispers - You didn't bring a pen?

AISHA whispers - Uh... no. I, uh, didn't.

(MIYA rolls her eyes as she reaches into her bag and grabs a pen.)

MIYA whispers - I mean, you might wanna be a little more prepared. Don't you think?

AISHA whispers - I was so nervous, I kinda forgot it. But thanks.

(AISHA smiles. MIYA doesn't.)

MIYA - Uh, huh.

DENICE - We also request that each interested lady be...

AISHA whispers - By the way, I'm Aisha.

MIYA thinks - By the way, I didn't ask.

MIYA whispers - Yeah. Miya.

AISHA whispers - Cool. What's your major?

MIYA whispers - I don't have one.

AISHA whispers - Oh, you didn't declare one?

MIYA whispers - No, I'm not in college yet.

(AISHA stops writing and looks at MIYA.)

AISHA - You're not in college?

MIYA thinks - Is there an echo in here?

MIYA - No, I'm not in college.

AISHA - Then, what are you doing here?

MIYA - Why don't you mind your business, aight? Don't worry about it.

(AISHA gives MIYA a foul look.)

MIYA - And give me my pen back.

(The interest meeting ends after each member of the chapter speaks about the sorority, the requirements of Zeta Phi Beta and the requirements of Ahpla University. Everyone has now gone next door for light refreshments.)

SHARONDA - So, what do you think?

MIYA - This was great, Sharonda! I'm even more interested now then before!

SHARONDA - Good!

MIYA - Hey, can I use your cell phone for a second? I want to call my boyfriend.

SHARONDA - Yeah, here ya go. I'll be right back.

(As MIYA dials, SHARONDA's phone rings.)

MIYA - Hello?

MONA - Hey girl, you are not gonna believe what I'm watching!
:: NEW PAGE ::


SCENE 3

The campus of Ahpla University is packed. The president and the administration are all in attendance for the dedication of the new campus library, the B.E. Burke Global Learning Center. Classes are canceled for the ceremony and most of the students that attend Ahpla are there.

( BOBBY takes his seat.)

BOBBY - Why in the world do we have to come to these things?

REGGIE - Oh stop complaining. In an hour, we can leave.

BOBBY - But, if they're gonna let us out of class, they should let us chill. The one hour we're out, we gotta sit up here for this ceremony.

REGGIE - This is a part of Ahpla's history, man. Enjoy it. By the time my kids come here, years from now, I can tell them that I was here when this building was built and dedicated.

(BOBBY just stares at REGGIE.)

REGGIE - Shut up man, I know that was corny.

(They both laugh.)

ALEX - Hey Colin, how you doing, sir?

DR. MWATSUMI - Dr. Jefferson! It's good to see you!

(ALEX and DR. MWATSUMI shake hands.)

ALEX - Where have you been, sir? I haven't seen you in a while?

DR. MWATSUMI - I took some time to become a member of a fraternity. I am now a full-fledged member of Iota Phi Theta Fraternity.

ALEX - Really? Well, congratulations; that is great!

(ALEX sits next to DR. MWATSUMI among the campus administration. The president steps to the podium.)

DR. MWATSUMI - I would like to speak to you about my fraternity when you have time Dr. Jefferson. We could always use young professors like yourself -- especially during these times of expansion.

(ALEX laughs.)

ALEX - Thank you, sir, but the fraternity life has never been a thing for me -- just not my speed.

DR, MWATSUMI - I totally understand, Alex. Well, maybe I'll just drop off some information that you can look at, just in case you change your mind.

ALEX - Please do. I will take a look at it.

(DR. MWATSUMI smiles and turns in his seat to face the president who is about to speak.)

DR. BRYCE - Good afternoon faculty, staff, students, alumnus, and friends of Ahpla University. Today is a special day in the life of our university as we celebrate the dedication of our newest campus facility, the B.E. Burke Global Learning Center.

(Everyone claps.)

DR. BRYCE - We are pleased with the construction of this new state of the art facility and are proud to be able to offer some of the finest services to our student body. This new complex contains a new computer center that will be available to students 24 hours a day. We also have archived some of the documents that made Ahpla an official university. These documents will be sealed in our history complex, within the learning center.

(Everyone claps. SAIFA leans over to SEAN.)

SAIFA - Have you seen the new computer center in this building?

SEAN - No, have you?

SAIFA - Yeah, I got a tour of the building last week.

SEAN - Oh really? How is it?

SAIFA - Phat! They got the new Mac computers up in there.

SEAN - Oh really? Cool!

SAIFA - Dag Sean, have you taken that jacket off since you crossed? Every time I see you you're in it. Ha ha ha ha ha!

SEAN - I love my letters, man! I wear this frat jacket in the shower! Ha ha ha!

(DR. BRYCE continues.)

DR.BRYCE - The learning center has an international hub that will be home to our new international student facility. Here, we will sponsor programs and offer scholarships to Ahpla students who come from abroad to study in the United States.

(Everyone claps.)

DR. BRYCE - Before I go into more detail about the learning center itself, I would like to invite Dr. Joyce Kevlar to the podium. Dr. Kevlar is the new director of the Burke Learning Center and she will continue to describe the building, its facilities, departments, and all it has to offer. Dr. Kevlar.

(Everyone claps as DR. KEVLAR walks toward the mic.)

DR. KEVLAR - Thank you, President Bryce. I thought you were gonna tell it all for a minute!

(Everyone laughs.)

DR. KEVLAR - To the president, administration, student body, and my new staff of the B.E. Burke Global Learning Center, it is indeed an honor to...

(Everyone is startled as someone runs on stage dressed like a pledgee. He is wearing a brown hooded sweatshirt with the hood on his head. He also has on brown army fatigue pants. He has on boots with gold laces. His face is painted brown and gold. DR. KEVLAR is startled as is everyone else. The pledgee starts to scream at the top of his lungs.)

PLEDGEE - Greetings to my big brothers of the Iota Phi Theta Fraternity, innnnnnnnnnnnnncorporated!

SEAN - What the...

PLEDGEE - I have been pledging all day and all night!
Trying to dig deep for Iota Phi!
Getting hazed by my Big Brother Sean!

SEAN - What!

PLEDGEE - Pledging hard for Iota all day long!

(ALEX looks at DR. MWATSUMI who is staring at the pledgee in shock.)

PLEDGEE - I'm pledging hard for the brown and gold!
I took so much wood my butt is swole!
Running around like a Centaur is crazy confusion!
I've been bleeding so much I need a transfusion!
I'm pledging for that frat of the gold and brown!
Been pledging six weeks underground!
I can't eat because the big brothers take all my money!
I've lost so much weight that my clothes now fit funny!

DR. BRYCE - What is the meaning of this!?

PLEDGEE - I'm pledging! And I know it's illegal to get hazed!
But I'll be an Iota for the rest of my days!

(Two security guards start to run toward the pledgee. He notices them and starts to run in the opposite direction, still yelling his greeting.)

PLEDGEE - Iota Phi 'til the day I die! Iota Phi ?til the day I die!

(The pledgee runs past DR. KEVLAR, who drops her notes. He continues to yell as the guards chase him off the stage.)

PLEDGEE - Iota Phi 'til the day I die!

(SAIFA looks at SEAN in shock. A few students notice that SEAN is wearing an Iota Phi Theta jacket.)

SAIFA - What the hell!

SEAN - I have no idea!

(DR.MWATSUMI has his mouth wide open. DR. KEVLAR looks back at PRESIDENT BRYCE, who is still looking bewildered.)

DR. BRYCE - I will get to the bottom of this!

(RONNIE and DRE have almost fallen out of their seats in the last row from laughter.)